Soft Warcraft

By: Widget in Humor

Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been
a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last
two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job
today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut,
cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later
that night.
You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep
after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t
want sex anymore or anything. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me.
Whichever is the case,,,,I’m gone.

Signed,

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together.
Have a great life!
————

Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It’s true that you
and I have been married for seven years, although a ‘good man’ is a far cry from what
you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and
griping. It’s just too bad it doesn’t work.

Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week,,,and actually the first thing that
came to my mind was “You look just like a girl”,,, but my mother raised me not to say
anything at all if you can’t say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven
years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was
still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed
fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99…

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I
discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens
for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you’ve always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but my sister ‘Carla’,,,was born Carl.
I hope that’s not a problem for you.

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